How to recognize you have a broken heart….
You feel a pain in your chest but don’t actually realize what this means. When you do it makes you ten times worse…
You try to hid what you’re feeling by putting on a smile even though you want to cry. You just wish you’d never wake up…
You start to wander whether this is in thought or reality, you feel separated from those who love you…
You wish you could never fall in love again just to stop all pain. Even though you know you’re doomed to love again and go through it all again…
You want to go to the person and say I love you but you know you can’t. you don’t want to drive them further away…
You start to feel numb and think you’re over it but when you see them it starts all over again…
You feel so distant you can’t even bring yourself to care for anything anymore…
You want to hid when you realize that they will find other people and fall in love with them…
Everybody’s pain is different but we still bleed the same. The only ones that can relate to you are the ones that have been through the same.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Saying I love you
I love you I said with a fluttering heart,
Knowing that these words might someday tear it apart.
At first I was afraid to give my love away,
But I knew it was something I just had to say.
Everything about this is all so new,
But it also helps to know that you love me too.
I know you say you know how I feel,
But I never knew this could be so real.
It's kind of scary to know that everything is true,
And it's also great to be in love with you.
Each day I fall in love with something new,
But most of all each day I fall more in love with you.
Before you, love was just a meaningless phrase,
But you have taught me what it feels like in so many ways.
You make me see how great I really am,
And I don't even know if that's your intent or plan.
You're my best friend and true love,
It's almost like you were sent from up above.
You're like an angel sent to lend me a helping hand,
And my happiness in return is all you demand.
My only wish is that I can be yours in return,
But I'm afraid that I might have a lot to learn.
Love has been said to bring out the best and the worst,
But I can only find out if I jump in head first.
Falling in love is not something I expected to do,
But I am glad I fell for you.
You have taught me to love and taught me to give,
But most importantly you have taught me how to live.
So remember my words for as long as I live,
And my love to you I will continue to give.
It seems as though you help to bring out the best,
And help me to just overlook all the rest.
I hope that someday I can do the same for you,
But until then all I do is continue to be in love with you.
Knowing that these words might someday tear it apart.
At first I was afraid to give my love away,
But I knew it was something I just had to say.
Everything about this is all so new,
But it also helps to know that you love me too.
I know you say you know how I feel,
But I never knew this could be so real.
It's kind of scary to know that everything is true,
And it's also great to be in love with you.
Each day I fall in love with something new,
But most of all each day I fall more in love with you.
Before you, love was just a meaningless phrase,
But you have taught me what it feels like in so many ways.
You make me see how great I really am,
And I don't even know if that's your intent or plan.
You're my best friend and true love,
It's almost like you were sent from up above.
You're like an angel sent to lend me a helping hand,
And my happiness in return is all you demand.
My only wish is that I can be yours in return,
But I'm afraid that I might have a lot to learn.
Love has been said to bring out the best and the worst,
But I can only find out if I jump in head first.
Falling in love is not something I expected to do,
But I am glad I fell for you.
You have taught me to love and taught me to give,
But most importantly you have taught me how to live.
So remember my words for as long as I live,
And my love to you I will continue to give.
It seems as though you help to bring out the best,
And help me to just overlook all the rest.
I hope that someday I can do the same for you,
But until then all I do is continue to be in love with you.
How am I to tell you, who you are to me?
I opened my eyes to find myself seated in a chair, cross legged. The Dark colors of twilight had curtained the sky, and cast a colorless shadow over the hills behind me. “How will I tell you who you are to me? How will I tell you? How?”
I saw the white hem of her dress flowing wildly in the wind ahead of me. I turned my gaze to her still form. “How will I tell you that you are my heartbeats, and the music of my life?”
I saw the white hem of her dress flowing wildly in the wind ahead of me. I turned my gaze to her still form. “How will I tell you that you are my heartbeats, and the music of my life?”
I walked over to her than circled behind her. She turned to face me, the wind tossing her hair. “You are my life, my light, and my peace. You are my happiness and my love.”
She tilted her head, blushing lightly. A hand came up to block my view. The tenderness of her palm sent waves of contentment to my very core. “You are in my eyes and my memories. You are in my very breath and contented sighs.”
Slowly she lowered her hand. I opened my eyes to have the whole of her fill my vision. “You are in my reality and my dreams. You are in my days and nights.”
She smiled widely. Her hair cascaded down to her shoulder in the wake of the dying wind. I cast my gaze at the sky overhead. “You are my mornings, and my evenings. You are my success and my defeat.”
I tilted my head back to find her stolen from my vision. TAP TAP. I turned to find she had circled behind me. “You are my laughter, and my tears. You are my slumber, and my awakening.”
Her hand slid down to my chest, and rested the other, along with her head on my left shoulder. We took steps forward as I grasped her hand in my own. “Wherever I go and look, I see you. How am I to tell you, I’m nothing without you.”
She ran her hand through my hair, then her own. Circling behind me again, she took a few steps taking my right hand into her left one. “Your beauty is my life. You’re body is like sandalwood and it’s fragrance.”
She released my hand and walked in front of me as the fleeting wind tossed her hair and skirt higher in the wind. “You are my passion and my emotions. You are the air that I breath.”
She twirled around and around circling me. Again she settled onto my shoulder. “Your hair is like the clouds. Your lips are as winebearers.”
She walked behind me. I turned to find her bundling up her hair, the bare of her back showing. “Your eyes are as twin sun. The moon shies from your face.”
I lowered my hand to my waist as I watched her tie her hair up. “Your voice is as a chorus of angels. Your skin tinted with the hues of roses.”
I sat back down on the chair as she danced across the ground. Twisting and turning, she moved with divine grace. “Your gait is as the waves of a sea. you’re beauty limitless. Even your shadow bright. is this a dream or fantasy becoming real?”
She laid down on the ground, supporting herself with her elbow. I stood from my chair and walked to her. “How am I to tell you of my impatience? For me, you are all the godly virtues. You are my prayer and my love.”
I kneeled down adjacent to her and she pulled herself up to rest her head against my chest. “You are my prayers. You are the perfect portrait. You are my stars and fate.”
I laid down next to her as she pulled up closer. I caressed the soft of her cheeks with my hand. “You are my beautiful scenery. You are in every minute of my life.”
She tiled her head away as I stood up onto my knees. I gazed at the road in front of me. “You are my path and my goal. You are my sea, you are my shore.”
I ran my hand up her’s till I reached her shoulder. She ran her hand up my cheek than ruffled my hair. My voice naturally rose as I continued. “I look at you and wonder. I know only you, and I accept you. You are my identity. How will I tell you that you that you are my angel, my lady?”
I took her in my embrace. She wrapped her arms around mine. My voice fell low again as I continued. ”How will I tell you what you are to me?”
Not another peep was heard as seconds became minutes, and minutes became hours. A tear slid down my cheek, and my resolve shattered. I gathered the last of my strength and whispered, “How am I to tell you? How will I tell you who you are to me?” The darkness had completely covered the horizon now.
Lights came on moments later. Thunderous applause shattered the silence. Footsteps clattered over the wooden stage as people rushed onto the stage. “Fantastic. Unbelievable.” She spoke in a voice so proud and serene.
“How long have you all been watching?” I spoke without a hint of emotion.
“We’ve been watching you secretly for a while.” A nameless voice spoke out from the crowd.
“It was magic! It was not an act! I’ve never seen such reality in acting though out my life!” She said with much enthusiasm.
“Yes, an act…” I voice fell away.
“The expression of your face and voice brought to life the girl who was never there. Absolutely amazing.” She responded. “I want to take the role of that girl when we put on that play. Promise?” The hopeful look in her perfect eyes was not something I could say no to.
“Yes, ok.” The cheerful look in her eyes let me to let out a contented sigh. “I’ve got to go change my cloths and get some food in me.” I walked away from the crowd, another tear sliding down my eyes having to leave her side. I walked off the stage and toward the main exit.
I closed my eyes as I reached for the door. I pushed past it then stood in wonderment for a fleeting moments before opening my eyes to the scenery of my bedroom ceiling.
__________________________
I swear to Anduril my dreams can’t get any weirder… Again, any questions, comments, concerns, are highly desired, and appreciated.
My Death as viewed by a friend.
Friday night, as always, I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends... we headed up 8th St to this really pretty stargazing spot... a little late into the night a friend had a little "premonition" about what was gonna happen... a premonition about my death...
He didnt tell me what he saw at that moment but later he e-mailed to me what he saw and here it is:
"I stood there waching on, looking down from the hill but also at the side of the road, bouth perspectives at the same time? Time was nearly at a stand still, his head leaning back, a look of pain braced his face, as his hands clched his stomach, he was moving slowly, slowly the car seemed to drift back at an angle, slowly arching into the lane. A bright light glanced through the darkness as his head turned to look, a yellow blur came crashing down on him, i stood helpless bouth on the hill and on the side of the road, helplessly stairing into his eyes, he glanced up at me, seemingly to call for help then time subsided, his head bounced off his window and the car spun and slid into the ditch, the yellow blur became a flash of sparks, noise soon followed but i was deffend by the silence in his eyes, then the blood, driping from the cars, looking on at my friend, his lost eyes of emptyness shattered my soul, i looked up on the hill where i stood shawn behind me calling 911, and mearly muttered, save them. I was then again on the hill, I looked down on to the road, no travisty had occured, i walked back to the group and stumbled over a rock, a large one buried in the earth, i called to the others to help me dig it up but i could not hear my voice carry, i was mearly mumblng, i screamed again to the others, but only shane heard me, as i nelt and started digging the rock free, i asked shane for assistance but he would not come he said he didnt see the point, i couldnt explain it, and i started franticly clawing at the stone with a small rock. After freeing it i brought it back down to you, you stoped me questioning, i couldnt tell you then what i had seen, you'd only try and stop me, or hinder my progress, i prayed as i placed the stone, even so i knew it wouldnt work, i franticly looked up at the hill and saw a white light, then rembered the camp fire rom earlyer, as i rose to my feet the light was gone, but the immage of myself playfully beating the embers with that 2x4 remained, i headed back up the hill searching for the coals. I asked the others where the coals went, they seemed in my mind to have moved infantly farther from the spot i rembered, a lone coal still illimunated with a soft pale orange glow, wich allowed me to track their possition, it was the peice i rembered hitting, kicking, and walking on, but it still glowed, i reached for it. As i retreived it i also rembered the 2x4 and got it as well, Determined to do things rightbut you stoped me again, questioning me, I still couldnt tell you what i saw, as i pounded the coal under your tire i felt somewhat relived, tho still concerned i told you not to move the car, you complained of your body acheing, something inside me knew this was the last chance to get you out, so i sugested we take you to a doctor, you declined so i slowly returned to the hill and tryed to put the others minds at ease, i felt somewhat broken inside, waiting for it to happen. Then the light came again, and i caught it in the corner in my eye, i turned to see, and i saw a shadow, that for the breafest moments looked like a small white haired boy, looking over at you, then up at me, then the flash of blury gold came raining down on you, the sound came later, but it was just a loud honk. As i stooded dased i knew that only that graphic vision could move me to act, I started down the hill to inspect the car, and you started up to question me, i could not tell you then, that only You died."
To his own surprise I took this rather well... I told him that I had even before this accepted death as the final ultimate.... that I had been prepared for it having had multiple close confrontations with it... Apparently fate had different plans for me...
Thank you for caring.
He didnt tell me what he saw at that moment but later he e-mailed to me what he saw and here it is:
"I stood there waching on, looking down from the hill but also at the side of the road, bouth perspectives at the same time? Time was nearly at a stand still, his head leaning back, a look of pain braced his face, as his hands clched his stomach, he was moving slowly, slowly the car seemed to drift back at an angle, slowly arching into the lane. A bright light glanced through the darkness as his head turned to look, a yellow blur came crashing down on him, i stood helpless bouth on the hill and on the side of the road, helplessly stairing into his eyes, he glanced up at me, seemingly to call for help then time subsided, his head bounced off his window and the car spun and slid into the ditch, the yellow blur became a flash of sparks, noise soon followed but i was deffend by the silence in his eyes, then the blood, driping from the cars, looking on at my friend, his lost eyes of emptyness shattered my soul, i looked up on the hill where i stood shawn behind me calling 911, and mearly muttered, save them. I was then again on the hill, I looked down on to the road, no travisty had occured, i walked back to the group and stumbled over a rock, a large one buried in the earth, i called to the others to help me dig it up but i could not hear my voice carry, i was mearly mumblng, i screamed again to the others, but only shane heard me, as i nelt and started digging the rock free, i asked shane for assistance but he would not come he said he didnt see the point, i couldnt explain it, and i started franticly clawing at the stone with a small rock. After freeing it i brought it back down to you, you stoped me questioning, i couldnt tell you then what i had seen, you'd only try and stop me, or hinder my progress, i prayed as i placed the stone, even so i knew it wouldnt work, i franticly looked up at the hill and saw a white light, then rembered the camp fire rom earlyer, as i rose to my feet the light was gone, but the immage of myself playfully beating the embers with that 2x4 remained, i headed back up the hill searching for the coals. I asked the others where the coals went, they seemed in my mind to have moved infantly farther from the spot i rembered, a lone coal still illimunated with a soft pale orange glow, wich allowed me to track their possition, it was the peice i rembered hitting, kicking, and walking on, but it still glowed, i reached for it. As i retreived it i also rembered the 2x4 and got it as well, Determined to do things rightbut you stoped me again, questioning me, I still couldnt tell you what i saw, as i pounded the coal under your tire i felt somewhat relived, tho still concerned i told you not to move the car, you complained of your body acheing, something inside me knew this was the last chance to get you out, so i sugested we take you to a doctor, you declined so i slowly returned to the hill and tryed to put the others minds at ease, i felt somewhat broken inside, waiting for it to happen. Then the light came again, and i caught it in the corner in my eye, i turned to see, and i saw a shadow, that for the breafest moments looked like a small white haired boy, looking over at you, then up at me, then the flash of blury gold came raining down on you, the sound came later, but it was just a loud honk. As i stooded dased i knew that only that graphic vision could move me to act, I started down the hill to inspect the car, and you started up to question me, i could not tell you then, that only You died."
To his own surprise I took this rather well... I told him that I had even before this accepted death as the final ultimate.... that I had been prepared for it having had multiple close confrontations with it... Apparently fate had different plans for me...
Thank you for caring.
Soulmate
How am I to describe her? Where do I start? Just know I've never met anyone like her. Sometimes she's innocent, and sometimes a brat, a genius at times, and sometimes a bit wayward. Sometimes she scolds me with screams, and other times makes me laugh with silly faces.More stubborn than kids sometimes, and yet at time a loving companion. What she is, and is not, I can never say with my words. I don't know why I feel as if... When she looks at me, I feel handsome. When she laughs, it makes me want to dance. when she mourns, I desire to pull her into my arms, and when she loves me, she fills up my heart to the brim. She makes me realize that I'm made for her, and she for I. I love her a lot, not just for the moment, or for the day, not even for a lifetime, but for all eternities.
All that's left now is finding her. :-P
And to those of you know are going to be a smartass and ask "How do you know that's what happens when she does these things?" I'm referring to the emotions stirred by someone that's still a good friend. ^_^
When god made the hearts,
it was one heart with two pieces,
upon each he scribed a name,
one "Radha" and one "Shyaam", ***
now these hearts beat together,
they come together and they part,
When two people are made for each other.
*** Radha and Shyaam, also known as Krishna are two figures from Hindu Mythology. Since childhood they grew up together. They are lovers whom even having to live their lives separately and being with someone else, never stopped loving each other and are fabled to reincarnate to finally be with each other.
All that's left now is finding her. :-P
And to those of you know are going to be a smartass and ask "How do you know that's what happens when she does these things?" I'm referring to the emotions stirred by someone that's still a good friend. ^_^
When god made the hearts,
it was one heart with two pieces,
upon each he scribed a name,
one "Radha" and one "Shyaam", ***
now these hearts beat together,
they come together and they part,
When two people are made for each other.
*** Radha and Shyaam, also known as Krishna are two figures from Hindu Mythology. Since childhood they grew up together. They are lovers whom even having to live their lives separately and being with someone else, never stopped loving each other and are fabled to reincarnate to finally be with each other.
Cupid's arrow
an arrow has struck my chest,
the pain from which I can't bear.
Words of my heart are stuck there,
not be spread from my lips.
Having written the story of your eyes,
the pen can't now stay together. **
Words of your beauty spreads,
causing flowers to bloom without spring.
your gait is so graceful,
even the deer are envious.
lightning falls upon my heart,
when your hair slides across your nape.
At the sight of your radiance,
even the sun hides shyly.
compared to your fragrant body,
even nightshade seems simple.
an arrow has struck my chest,
the pain from which I can't bear.
With your sweet words,
you pale the sweetness of sugarcane,
I am enamored with you,
you've got me all to yourself.
The path to love is covered in thorns,
I'd have you know,
don't take me down it,
only to leave me behind.
Let this one life time be,
I'll be your's for hundred more.
Take me into your embrace,
fulfill my purpose in this lifetime.
an arrow has struck my chest,
the pain from which I can't bear.
________________________________________
** If you and recognize this reference and are the first to claim it, I will actually pay you $5.00
the pain from which I can't bear.
Words of my heart are stuck there,
not be spread from my lips.
Having written the story of your eyes,
the pen can't now stay together. **
Words of your beauty spreads,
causing flowers to bloom without spring.
your gait is so graceful,
even the deer are envious.
lightning falls upon my heart,
when your hair slides across your nape.
At the sight of your radiance,
even the sun hides shyly.
compared to your fragrant body,
even nightshade seems simple.
an arrow has struck my chest,
the pain from which I can't bear.
With your sweet words,
you pale the sweetness of sugarcane,
I am enamored with you,
you've got me all to yourself.
The path to love is covered in thorns,
I'd have you know,
don't take me down it,
only to leave me behind.
Let this one life time be,
I'll be your's for hundred more.
Take me into your embrace,
fulfill my purpose in this lifetime.
an arrow has struck my chest,
the pain from which I can't bear.
________________________________________
** If you and recognize this reference and are the first to claim it, I will actually pay you $5.00
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